Day 11: Sort of

Well I am technically typing in this at 12:22 AM of Day 12. Had no time today. Just got back home.

3 days back to back shows which means that I was surrounded by smokers most of the time. From organizers to artists and engineers, so many smokers. Even met a friend today and when I ran out to fill fuel in my bike he handed me some money to buy him a pack of smokes on the way. Ha Ha Ha.

Not bad otherwise. Keeping it together. Thank you my dear promise. Good night. Oh and Happy Republic Day in advance. Which means fuck all in the audio industry.

Day 10: Zzzzzz

Brain showed surprising signs if strength last night. Almost convinced with me that having one smoke would be harmless and that people would understand.

Luckily I caught him in the act. Once again, Fuck you brain! Do I have to feel like my own enemy?

Seriously though, it would be great to find an inexpensive, healthy thing that I could do. Because cigarettes are such a good fix for everything. By the healthy thing I don't mean another substance. I am referring to doing something physically to help. Who knows what that would be? I'm sleepy now.

Day 9: My feet hurt

I'll make this quick and short. I was too tired to type last night and have been pretty busy since the morning

Keeping busy is great. Doing so around sound engineers who smoke is painful because I know how great it would feel to unwind that way. But I won't.

Blah blah blah. My feet hurt. No smoking is so awesome yay...

Day 8: Busy day 1

Nothing like being occupied to help you not smoke. Even when I was smoking (not long ago), I'd smoke the most when idle and the least when keeping busy. Of course, I do have a tendency to be lazy and not force myself to be busy. Luckily today and the next three days promises to be busy, especially in the evenings. It is the Indian Republic Day weekend. A long weekend, which is not necessarily the best thing for me in my line of work. I am a musician and sound engineer. The weekend/holidays is when we work!

A 3 day music festival is happening at one of the clubs in Bangalore and I am on duty, managing the mix desk. Yes I will be surrounded by smokers. Ha Ha Ha. At least I will be busy. Will I be stressed? Yes, possibly. Ha Ha Ha. No I won't smoke. I've gotten this far, which may not seem like a lot but this feels different.

So here's to the next few busy, stressful and smoke surrounded days.

Also it is apparently my astrological birthday, or as my parents call it my star birthday today. It is a thing in Hinduism that I have zero understanding of. I never remember that it is my 'star birthday'. Every year mom reminds me. Thanks Mom, much love.

Day 7: No news

Not much to report today. It was a good day that's for sure. Cravings were kinda normal. Went to the studio. When offered a smoke by someone I did not know I said "Nah, I don't smoke...anymore". Felt funny to say that because I had to add anymore because it had only been 7 days. Never recorded before without a few smokes here and there. Not this time though. Had a little trouble at first but worked it out in the end.

Also brain is getting feeble at giving me reasons. Today's was killer. "You should smoke just one cigarette. After all you have to ride home so far and you feel tired. The cigarette could help you and it's just one." Of convincing arguments, that wasn't the best one. 

Day 7: One week down!

Yay! It's been one week. Pat myself on the back thank you. Still have lingering effects of last night at the studio. Passive smoking means a whole another thing for those who've recently quit smoking, it would seem. Woke up this morning with the craving. Haha I have to go back to the studio again today.

I trashed my ashtray today. So that's nice. 

Day 6: Tough day

The first half of the day was quite peaceful. No cravings as such and basically all around good.

Then came the rest of the day! Went to the studio again but spent some more time. More time around my close friends who all happen to be smokers. I had cigarettes on one side and a sheesha/hookah pipe running on the other side. It got to the point where I could still taste the nicotine in the air when no one was smoking. I am not sure if I was imagining it or not but it was real enough to me.
I can't ask them to stop smoking on the account of me quitting. Fuck willpower right? No, I sat through it. As if in a dream a version of me in my mind kept saying "Hey man, pass me a drag". My brain started doing its bullshit again, wondering if hookah smoke contains tobacco and if it would be okay for me to take a hit. Here's a fact: hookah contains tobacco and nicotine. It may be in smaller amounts but it is there. Aside from that the flavours are amazing! If the chemical part isn't enough (and you will have people debate hookah's nicotine content), the physical act of smoking is still there. The physical act of smoking hookah is way more alluring than cigarette smoke. Sweet smelling smoke that comes out in clouds out of your mouth without hurting? Are you kidding me? I'll have some of that. You even have non-cigarette smokers who will smoke hookah.

It may work for that friend of mine who only smokes hookah and not cigarettes. It won't work for me. My brain remembers nicotine too well to be happy with hookah. I eventually left the studio, not taking a single puff of either cigarette or hookah. It wasn't easy. Like a dieter at a buffet. That's the next thing for me isn't it?

Well here's to today. Let's see what tomorrow feels like doing to me.