Thursday, March 12, 2015

Almost two months

I have certainly lost track of the actual number of days and math is far from my mind as I half lay here all groggy on a night bus from Kerala to Bangalore.

My promise made sure to remind me to write here now because I just faced my biggest trigger for smoking yet. My folks! Nothing seems to drive up my stress and anxiety more than they do and I found myself fantasising about smoking. After so long of mostly peaceful thoughts, this was a harsh reminder that we are not out of the water yet!

I just wish it wasn't my folks though. For some odd reason, them caring about my life was more stressing than going to the court to finalise my divorce! That doesn't even make sense. However it is true that I did start smoking the first time I went back home to them. They want me back home now again but it scares me to leave Bangalore, where everything I know lives. In Dubai it's just my anxiety causing family that is there.

I don't know what to do. But my promise is still there. My promise calmed me down. Don't know where I'd be in this journey if it wasn't for my promise. I might have relapsed. Thank you for meeting my rock.