Almost two months

I have certainly lost track of the actual number of days and math is far from my mind as I half lay here all groggy on a night bus from Kerala to Bangalore.

My promise made sure to remind me to write here now because I just faced my biggest trigger for smoking yet. My folks! Nothing seems to drive up my stress and anxiety more than they do and I found myself fantasising about smoking. After so long of mostly peaceful thoughts, this was a harsh reminder that we are not out of the water yet!

I just wish it wasn't my folks though. For some odd reason, them caring about my life was more stressing than going to the court to finalise my divorce! That doesn't even make sense. However it is true that I did start smoking the first time I went back home to them. They want me back home now again but it scares me to leave Bangalore, where everything I know lives. In Dubai it's just my anxiety causing family that is there.

I don't know what to do. But my promise is still there. My promise calmed me down. Don't know where I'd be in this journey if it wasn't for my promise. I might have relapsed. Thank you for meeting my rock.

Day 25: Oh the smell!

Day 25 is it? I am not even sure. The math says so, therefore it must be true. Anyhow, why am I posting today?

Met a guy I know and I could smell that he had just smoked quite a few cigarettes. The smell was quite strong. I noticed that I did not enjoy the smell. It left a bad aftertaste on my tongue. Compare this with about two weeks ago when I was at the studio and the smell of cigarette smoke had me typing here about a craving.

No craving any more. Closer to repulsion. Now that, I have to say, is new!

Perhaps there is something to this 21 day thing. Or maybe it is just the effect of the promise. Maybe both? Either way this is in a word: Brilliant.

Day 23: Not much to say now

I have not been posting in a few days. To be honest, I have not felt like smoking at all. I feel perfectly fine without it. I feel like I have run out of things to say here because of this fact.... So I am done I guess?

Thank you promise.

Day 20: My math is terrible

It's been a few days since I posted. Honestly I just forgot to do so. I almost never thought about smoking or felt any real cravings. This is interesting. It has taken less time than I expected to get to this point. This is good.

The only reason I am posting or remembered to post today was because my promise reminded me to. It's alright though. I've been clean the whole time that I did not post. No stolen puffs of smoke.

Not sure really how long I will keep posting. Tomorrow marks Day 21 I think. I sometimes feel like I have my counting wrong. I was told by one person that it takes 21 days and after that you're good. If that's the case I'm almost there baby!
Then again another person told me that it takes 21 days to get addicted and 42 days to get over it.
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I'll chose my reality thanks.

Day 15: Don't feel like smoking

You know what feels weird? I don't feel like smoking. For the most part I am not actively craving. I am slightly affected when I am around other smokers who are smoking, and I can't wait for their cigarettes to get over or to leave. On my own though, I'm doing good. I eat and don't feel the strong urge to smoke. I freeze on long bike rides and its the same. For the most part I'm good. There is still the background feeling but it is not nearly as loud as it used to be.

I'll beat this. I know that eventually I will stop posting here as I may have nothing to write about. Maybe I will open it up to others.

Day 14: Missed a day

I realised that I forgot to post yesterday! How did that happen? Either I had no cravings or I was really out of it from my long weekend of work. Or both. I didn't smoke yesterday anyways so that's what counts.

Either way, it's been 2 weeks!!!!! That's right. Two weeks nicotine free. The funny thing is that it has not been long enough to convince other smokers that I'm for real. I say 14 days and all of them say/think "That's not quitting. You'll be back!" I'm guessing I'd need to be at 6 months to a year to be convincing. This is going to work though. I can feel it.

Thank you promise!

Day 12: Sleepy. So Sleepy

Day 12 began rather pleasantly actually. Quite enjoyed myself. Didn't even need to smoke. Still don't but boy was I sleepy riding my bike to the office. Today is Republic Day in India. Unfortunately that does not translate to a holiday for those in the audio/visual/entertainment industry. The work continues.

The last three days were back to back concerts at the Indiranagar Club. Music was good. However, it had been several months since I last did anything of this size and therefore I am thoroughly spent today. Oh how lovely a massage would be.

Today is the 26th of January. The 9th of February is my birthday. A most important one this time.

Yay to no smoking apparently.