Day 12: Sleepy. So Sleepy

Day 12 began rather pleasantly actually. Quite enjoyed myself. Didn't even need to smoke. Still don't but boy was I sleepy riding my bike to the office. Today is Republic Day in India. Unfortunately that does not translate to a holiday for those in the audio/visual/entertainment industry. The work continues.

The last three days were back to back concerts at the Indiranagar Club. Music was good. However, it had been several months since I last did anything of this size and therefore I am thoroughly spent today. Oh how lovely a massage would be.

Today is the 26th of January. The 9th of February is my birthday. A most important one this time.

Yay to no smoking apparently.

Day 10: Zzzzzz

Brain showed surprising signs if strength last night. Almost convinced with me that having one smoke would be harmless and that people would understand.

Luckily I caught him in the act. Once again, Fuck you brain! Do I have to feel like my own enemy?

Seriously though, it would be great to find an inexpensive, healthy thing that I could do. Because cigarettes are such a good fix for everything. By the healthy thing I don't mean another substance. I am referring to doing something physically to help. Who knows what that would be? I'm sleepy now.

Day 9: My feet hurt

I'll make this quick and short. I was too tired to type last night and have been pretty busy since the morning

Keeping busy is great. Doing so around sound engineers who smoke is painful because I know how great it would feel to unwind that way. But I won't.

Blah blah blah. My feet hurt. No smoking is so awesome yay...

Day 5: Stupid Brain

Not sure if this is nicotine or withdrawal related but boy does my head hurt! I wish I could just go back home and sleep it off but I've got to be here.

Took a walk and drank a soda to ease it. I've been having enough water I know but not sure why this has happened. The pain begins in between my eyes and extends to the sides of my foreheads as if horns are trying to grow out.

Stupid brain. Shut up. You are not getting any nicotine. You can cry for it as long as you like but no dice.


Yay I am officially talking to myself. I am guess that this is the good part of withdrawal?

Day 4: It is starting to become easier...kind of...sort of

As predicted today was for the most part uneventful except for some wonderful conversations. I don't mind uneventful once in a while. Just need to remember that it shouldn't lead to me smoking.

I did take a mid-day nap today because the boredom and nicotine withdrawal were quite the intense partnership. I tried my best to be non-productive today and not smoke. It was easier to be just non-productive. I can laze around like nobody's business if I so wish.

That's really all there is for today. Did not get any crazy cravings today. Some promises do make a difference it would seem.

Day 4: The smoke of boredom

So it is a Sunday morning. I don't actually feel like smoking because I want to smoke. I am just feeling bored.

Sunday mornings can be lazy. Usually I am just chilling and smoking is a part of that. Now that I've quit, I am just bored. I am also feeling quite sleepy despite a good night's rest. Maybe I will nap. I realize also that this blog cannot go on forever. One day I will feel no craving at all. Nothing new, except for freedom from the addiction. That day may be my last post here. I will still have the blog up though, just in case future quitters want to know if what they are going through is normal.

Those who quit smoking usually go through the same withdrawal symptoms. The intensity and certain quirks may vary depending on the individual's smoking habits and body chemistry. I can see myself right now, less than a week ago when I would have been bored like this and reaching for a cigarette without thinking about it. I'm glad to be over that. I am sure I've saved plenty of money already by doing that.

I expect today to be more or less uneventful in terms of cravings but I have been wrong. Let's see. Until then let it be known - 4 days not smoking and feeling great.

Day 3: Otherwise uneventful

Today was good. In other words, today was almost uneventful. I had my cravings but they were not as bad as before so it was much easier to survive.

This weekend is going to be mostly spent by myself so it is up to me to stay strong and not give in. Right at this moment the craving is there. Not helped by the glass of Old Monk rum and water that I am drinking. Drinking inspires further smoking and I feel rather inspired right now. It just seems so "right" to be doing both together. Many people "smoke when they drink". Why? Because it feels so damn good. It's  alright. I'll survive this yet.

Just going back to the last time I tried quitting which was a couple of years ago, I realize that I had such a tough time. I would wake up in the middle of the night because I'd be dreaming about smoking. Not just smoking, but the act of smoking! That night I had dreamed of the near sacred dance I described in one of my first posts on this blog. The lighting, the inhaling. It was such a powerful dream that the next day, I went and bought myself a cigarette. I immediately regretted it while at the same time celebrating in the liberation that the nicotine brought me. I haven't had any such dreams this time around. Either that or nothing so far has shaken me up enough. It has been only three days and some people might say that I speak to soon. This time is different. This time I know.

This time I know. This time is the last time.

Day 3: Like the passing of trains

Last night I slept okay I guess. Woke up with a bit of a headache but got over it without smoking. The strange thing is that each morning I wake up feeling better about it only to encounter the craving later on.

Considering my situation through a bowl of cereal, I started to believe that this may be possible. I am not sure why I failed before but that is not an option this time. As I rode to work, the shivers came back. The shakes in my body, mild but existent, outlining my withdrawal. It is strange now because it is not consuming me. I am able to regard it much the way one might witness a passing train while sitting in a stationary one. As if it is there but does not affect me. This is how I see the addiction right now. Yes it rattles me but I can choose to let it pass me by.

Writing these posts do help me a lot. Sometimes I shall go back and read it and it shocks me to know that I felt a certain way but wasn't directly aware of it. Though I'd like to believe otherwise, I know it is not yet over as I feel the need to sleep wash over me. My eyes are crossing with the effort of fighting off the sleep. I soldier on with my promise to guide me. I may yet win this battle. I better win this battle.

Day 2: The Shakes

Thought I was doing well until lunch time. I found myself having the slightest of tremors in my hands as I ate my food. This was further worsened by the fact that I was having a serious conversation about my future with my dad on the phone.

It's these kind of talks that really makes me reach out for a cigarette. As I walked up and down the roads, I eyed every cigarette stall with hunger in my mind. As the talk increased in seriousness, so did the need. I felt the need in the bridge of my nose and between my eyes where it started to hurt. My breathing became heavy as the stress of this conversation heavy and I felt myself just so hopeful for a cigarette. I held on though. I got through lunch and left without buying or smoking a cigarette on the way. Even typing this right now is taking a lot of effort from me. I am feeling drowsy and tired. I just want to asleep as the withdrawals that I shut in the dark cry for another feed of nicotine. Oh man this so difficult. In between the last few sentences I have dozed off at least 5 times...and another just now.

I am going to take nap. kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk


Oh what is wrong? That above there is the result of me falling asleep with my finger firmly lodged on one key. I'm outta here.

Day 1: The Sleeps

Don't have a lot to say here except that I am already experiencing what I call The Sleeps. It's this feeling of lethargy and tiredness. It is also a symptom of withdrawal. I feel lazy and tired. My mind tries to turn this into a craving by reasoning with me saying "It's alright if you smoke one cigarette, after all you need to stay awake. You've got work to do".

This is not my first time, and those who might be reading will understand that it never stops at one cigarette. For that very reason, thank you brain, but I am in no need of that reasoning. No. We soldier on. I wish I could soldier on to a bed, but that's not going to happen until the day is done. It's alright. I am eating a tiny chocolate. Something we get in India called Munch by Nestle. Just to give me the slight boost of energy. Tomorrow we shall try to be un-assisted!

Signing off.